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Cedar and Sage was born out of the grief and healing journey that I have been on since November 2020 when my brother died tragically.
My brother was the headmaster at Rosseau Lake College and was working to bring indigenous knowledge and teaching into the curriculum. There was a Teepee set up on campus and he was building relationships with members of the Anishinaabe first nation.
On the day that Rob was killed members of the Wasauksking first nation( a band of the Anishinaabe) came to campus and lit a sacred fire for him. They kept this fire burning day and night for 4 days. It is their belief that this allows Rob’s spirit to gather strength from his loved ones before he travels back to the creator on the final night.
My family (all 19 of us, my parents, Rob’s wife and kids, my sister and her kids, my younger brother and his wife and kids and my husband and I and our two kids were invited in for the final night of the fire) with Dave Rice, Kory Snache and Shane Tabobandung. They shared this
sacred ceremony wth us, complete with songs, drums, teaching, stories, medicines and a meal. This ceremony was full of many many emotions but it was beautiful and grounding and gave me hopes of healing one day.
The next day, we walked down to the water with the remaining cedar boughs from the fire and released them in the lake so that they could return to nature. (That is the picture you see above). We then jumped into the water surrounded by the boughs. And as I swam among
these cedars, it felt that they represented Rob’s body and spirit as they had been part of his ceremony the night before.
The next day we attended the funeral in town and Dave Rice came back to campus with us and smudged each of us on Rob’s back deck. The smell of sage cleansing my body, mind, heart and spirit for the very first time felt like a tiny glimmer of light in a sea of darkness. Over the days and months that followed I used sage regularly to cleanse the heavy energy of grief, sadness and pain.
That is the inspiration behind the name Cedar and Sage. But the essence of Cedar and Sage is inspired by the journey I have been on since.
As someone that works in the health and wellness space, it was clear right away that none of my education was of any value in healing my broken heart. What I discovered quite early on was that what I needed most, was my own loving kindness. I needed to really honour and listen
to all of the feelings that I was feeling. In fact, with my heart cracked open what I was discovering was that all sorts of feelings and repressed feelings and past hurts and stories that I had been carrying with me for many years, all of a sudden wanted my attention too.
Initially, I scrambled to try and put the pieces back together, wanting to get back to some semblance of the woman, I was before I knew this kind of pain. But I realized soon into my journey, this was going to take time. Lots of time, patience, energy, commitment and consistency. This was not a quick fix, there were no shortcuts and the truth that I quickly came
to realize is that ‘I was never going to be the same’. And once I accepted that, my healing journey began.
I was invited to turn my attention inward. Invited, to put away the distractions, the facades, the filters, the numbing, and the withholding of love and kindness for myself. Overriding my emotions with thoughts and intellect (my previous operating system) just wasn’t an option anymore. And so the journey deepened.
It was a journey that I did not want and a journey I had not known that I needed. And while I did not choose this journey, this journey chose me. A journey of deeper connection, self-discovery, radical responsibility and alignment. A journey of grace, honesty, compassion and love. A journey that is invisible to outsiders. A journey not given enough importance, airtime and/or credit in the society we live in. A journey without a final
destination. A journey whose measure of success is in the eye of the beholder. Measured by the amount of love and joy in our heart; the amount of curiosity and calm in our mind; and the amount of light and hope in our spirit.
My journey is far from over and although at one time, that felt overwhelming and daunting; I now find inspiration and wisdom in knowing that I am not ‘there yet’ and I never will be. Healing has no final destination, we don't get over 'it' we learn to live in harmony with 'it'. My journey has been about surrendering to that which I can not change, finding what feels good, honouring, listening, loving, trusting, attuning, feeling and connecting to my inner wisdom, enjoying the ride and trusting the process. This is the medicine that I had been seeking for many years and one of the gifts that my brother left for me in his wake.
There is medicine here for each of us. Cedar and Sage Wellness invites us to journey inward and to connect to the medicine we carry within. It is this gentle practice that often provides the clarity, wisdom, perspective and healing that we have been searching for. Let's connect. xo
